Ruby Rare’s guide to non-monogamy

Non-monogamy is something many of us view as completely foreign.

The concept of being in a relationship with more than one person at a time is paired with so many negative assumptions.

Primarily, cheating.

Ruby Rare is a sex educator for The Brook Trust, the UK’s second-largest sexual health charity, and has made it her mission to open minds across the country to the idea of polyamorous relationships.

“Non-monogamy is meant to be fun- if it isn’t, you’re doing it wrong.”

Based in London, with a following of over 39,000 people on Instagram, Ruby uses her platform to shed light on taboo issues.

 

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IT’S BI VISIBILITY DAY BITCHES! 💗💜💙 💥 This year I’ve noticed the growing visibility our community is experiencing, which I’m obviously loving and am proud to play a small part in 🥰 💥 I’ve always been bisexual, but because there was little to no visibility as I was growing up, it took me until my twenties to realise that could be a viable identity. And once I realised it myself, it took another few years to banish the imposter syndrome and build up the courage to openly live, date, love, and fuck as a glorious bisexual being. 💥 It makes me so happy to see the increase in visibility now: from the growing number of public figures coming out publically, to the growing and evolving variety of labels we can identify with, I’m thrilled that being bisexual in all its forms is being celebrated. I hope this continues! 💥 I often feel like I exist outside of straight as well as gay worlds, and have really enjoyed nurturing my bi/pan/queer friendships this year. Finding your community is the most important piece of bi advice I can give – whether that’s online, in the real world, or hopefully a combination of the two, connecting with likeminded people where you don’t have to constantly explain yourself is a true joy and will help you on your *queer journey*. 💥 Remember that YOU ARE BISEXUAL ENOUGH! Regardless of whether you are 100% out and proud, quietly figuring it out, bi but in a hetero-presenting relationship, bisexual but hetero/homo-romantic, your sexuality is VALID and BEAUTIFUL. Go forth into the world with confidence as the sparkly, queer as fuck human that you are 🏩

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She travels up and down the country doing talks on sexual pleasure, porn, body positivity and non-monogamy.

Last night, EN4 News attended ‘Ruby Rare’s Guide to Non-Monogamy’ at Teviot House.

The event was a collaboration between Sexpression Edinburgh and the EUSA Women’s Campaign as part of LGBT History Month.

Identifying as queer and non-monogamous, Ruby expresses the privilege we hold living in a country where attitudes are evolving:

“We have a responsibility to be more inclusive and make this conversation warmer”

 

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PRIDE APPRECIATION 🧡 swipe right to see the identities each flag represents. 💥 I love pride month; I get all gushy about how far we as a queer community have come, and celebrate by throwing on some trashy drag and parading around London (and any other city that’ll have me for pride weekend). But along with the celebration comes the responsibility to look at the challenges we continue to face. Slapping a rainbow flag on something does not solve problems, and all too often many ‘lesser known’ sexuality and gender identities are ignored throughout pride and made to feel isolated and unimportant. 💥 This Pride, I encourage you to learn more about a variety of sexuality and gender identities. Each queer identity is unique, with it’s own set of challenges and prejudices, many of which you may not experiance and may not have even considered. Let’s use this month to educate eachother about our struggles, and to find ways to celebrate in inclusive ways 💖💖 💥 P.S yes, in my queer utopic world everyone wears pink, deal with it 🙃

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By asking the audience who identified as polyamorous, Ruby has an insight into the various reasons everyone has for attending.

Some of us were just curious, some were confidently polyamorous and other wanted to learn more to begin exploring themselves and their needs.

Recently non-monogamy has been discussed across the media more and is appealing to increasing numbers of people.

In 2018, healthcare group, ‘Euroclinix‘, conducted a sex study that found that 1 in 5 of the 2000 participants in the study, identified as being polyamorous.

Information: EuroClinix
Infographic: EN4 News

Non-monogamy is most commonly understood to be intimate relationships which don’t strictly adhere to traditional standards of exclusivity.

Monogamy refers to having only one person whom you exchange feelings of love and affection, as well as sharing a physical relationship.

Ruby explains there can be different relationship structures that fall under this category and it is about finding a set up that works for you.

Friendships are beautiful forms of love, often too much emphasis is placed on sex as a relationship definer.

She warns that it is “more complicated and more work than monogamy” and requires “smart Communication” to be successful.

“You are going to feel something wonderful but also hurt.

“If you’re in a relationship and your unhappy, non-monogamy isn’t going to fix it”

Ruby Rare (Credit: EN4 News)

One issue, in particular, that is often a deterrent for monogamous people is the green-eyed monster.

“Jealousy is an umbrella term for loads of different types of emotions” Ruby said, and to combat it, you need to get to the bottom of what is behind it.

A frequently used term in the poly world is compersion, the idea of finding joy in seeing your partner/partners experiencing happiness with other people.

Rhiannon Ramsey identifies as polyamorous and explains how she feels when her partners are with other people, along with all other issues discussed in this article, in our EN4 News Podcast: Poly special.

Ruby using her platform to open up the conversation on non-monogamy and challenging views of what a healthy relationship is, whether it be sexual, romantic or purely platonic, hasn’t gone unnoticed.

She has been nominated for the Diva influencer of the year award 2020.

The final piece of advice she offered us was to be kind to ourselves, forgive when we make mistakes and recognise that things are not black and white.

“You are your own person, don’t let the people around you define who that person is.”

Holistic Ways: Enhance your mind, body and spirit with alternative and complimentary therapies at Edinburgh event

A festival specialising in alternative and complimentary therapies will return to Edinburgh for its sixth consecutive year this weekend.

Holistic Ways aims to leave visitors feeling “uplifted and refreshed” and will take place this Sunday.

Speaking exclusively to EN4 News, Adrian Boiteux, one of the founders of Holistic Ways, said the festival stands out in the industry because of the unique content of each event they offer.

(Photo provided by Holistic Ways)

“The exhibitors that we bring to the event include leading holistic, complementary and alternative therapists and a wonderful selection of health, well-being and mind-body-spirit retailers,” Adrian said.

Adrian, his wife and his father were some of the founding members of Holistic Ways back in 2012 after recognising a lack of exposure for alternative, complementary and holistic therapies.

They now host events throughout the year in Edinburgh, Glasgow, Aberdeen and Dundee.

The festival is taking place this Sunday from 11am until 5pm at the Edinburgh Corn Exchange, and over 40 exhibitioners will be attending, offering hypnotherapy, reflexology and deep tissue massages.

Taster sessions are available in order to provide visitors with the chance to experience the potential benefits of holistic therapies, which includes physical pain relief, improved sleeping patterns and reduced anxiety levels.

(Credit: EN4 News)

Bob and Helen Macintosh, founders of Krystalight, a retailer specialising in crystals and other holistic products, told EN4 News how important festivals such as Holistic Ways are.

“These events are extremely valuable as they give people the chance to discover – and most importantly, experience – many different disciplines, therapies and products all under one roof,” they said.

“We must never underestimate the value of human interaction, of meeting people face to face.”

The exposure that these events offer retailers and practitioners is vital to their growth.

“We find that not only does it drive traffic to our website, but people will contact us to discuss and receive advice on their specific requirements.

“In fact, we actively encourage this to ensure that customers do not impulse buy any product that may not be the most suitable for their needs.”

The festival will also feature music performances and dancers to showcase up and coming talent in Edinburgh.

Therapist Alan McIntyre, who will be in attendance on Sunday, specialises in Chinese Therapeutic Massage and believes that people must realise that no method will perform miracles in one session.

He said: “The only way to really feel profound long-term benefits from a treatment is to add it to your life as a continual help for your long-term health and wellbeing.

“Chinese Tuina medical massage is often an important M.O.T. for our client’s life’s stress relief, aches and pains.”

It is expected that Sunday’s festival will welcome between 350 and 450 people.

Following Sunday’s event, the next Holistic Ways festival will be held in Glasgow at the Trades Hall on March 21 and 22. Head over to their website to find out more information.

Cup replay between Hearts and Rangers could postpone Tuesday’s Edinburgh derby

Tuesday night’s Edinburgh Derby at Easter Road could be postponed should Hearts’ Scottish Cup quarter-final against Rangers tomorrow go to a replay.

The Scottish FA has announced that a draw at Tynecastle will result in the teams facing again on Wednesday, March 4 at Ibrox.

With Rangers playing their Europa League round of 16 tie against Bayer Leverkusen over the following two weeks and the Scottish Cup semi-finals on the weekend of April 11, next week remains the only free slot to contest a replay.

Hearts are also facing the prospect of a fixture pile-up after their crucial game away to St Mirren was postponed last week due to heavy rain.

The relegation strugglers host Rangers in Gorgie tomorrow after upsetting Steven Gerrard’s side with a 2-1 victory in January, which remains manager Daniel Stendel’s only league win with the Jambos.

Speaking to the media on Thursday, Stendel said he hopes his team can take inspiration from that January performance.

“Rangers will be more focused for this game,” Stendel said. “The cup is always a good chance for everybody to win a title, especially after the first game.

“For us it is important that we know we can win. If we play at Tynecastle then we have the support that we need against Rangers. In our situation, every game is important.

“The difference is that this is a cup game and doesn’t change anything in the league, but it can give us a positive lift for the next couple of games, especially on Tuesday night. We need better results.”

Stendel claimed that he saw a big lift after beating Rangers, however he regretted his side’s failure to capitalise on that as they only won one of their next five games – a 1-0 victory over League One Falkirk in the previous round of the cup.

This quarter-final tie gives Hearts a chance to switch their focus from Premiership duty, where they find themselves two points adrift at the foot of the table.

The St Mirren postponement has resulted in the Jambos having an extra week to prepare for tomorrow’s game, but it may have been an unwelcome break as Stendel admitted time is running out for them to turn the tide.

“All that we do in training is good. The motivation is good. The only thing that doesn’t change is the results,” he said.

“We can look to other games and other teams, but the only team that we can change is us.”

“I said to the players, ‘we cannot score three goals every week’. The other team doesn’t get a lot of chances, but every chance is a goal. Every week it costs us points. We want one goal to be enough to win a game.”

The German will be boosted by the return of striker Liam Boyce, who struck the winning goal on his debut when the teams met in January, however he is still awaiting the return of defender Toby Sibbick after illness.

Hibernian manager Ross praises owner’s ambitious plans ahead of ‘exciting’ time for the club

Manager Jack Ross says it is an “exciting” time for Hibernian after owner Ron Gordon unveiled an ambitious five-year strategic plan for the club this week.

Speaking at the club’s annual general meeting on Wednesday, Gordon said he wished to double spending on players by 2023 and for Hibs to firmly establish themselves as a top-four side in Scotland.

“I’d heard Ron’s presentation prior to last night and it was part of the attraction for me coming to the club in the first place,” said Ross, who took over from former boss Paul Heckingbottom in November.

“When I met him initially, I had a feel for what he wanted to try and achieve for the club. I don’t view my position as being able to spend lots of money; it’s about trying to be part of a club that progress and becomes better.

“But, naturally, if we find ourselves in a position further down the line where we’re able to recruit even higher quality players in one or two positions then there’s an obvious benefit to do that, but you have to use the resources in the right way as well.

“His ambition and his plans for the club are exciting for everybody involved – those who follow the club and those who come to work with it.”

Gordon also outlined his vision for Hibs to consistently challenge in Scotland’s two domestic cup competitions, as well as securing regular qualification for European competitions.

The capital club face Inverness Caledonian Thistle in the Scottish Cup quarter-finals tonight at Easter Road, while their push for a Europa League spot will continue with Tuesday night’s Edinburgh Derby at home to Hearts.

Ross insisted that his team’s focus is solely on tonight’s match against Championship side Inverness, and said that Hibs will be targeting further glory in the Scottish Cup following the club’s famous triumph in 2016.

“The fixture on Tuesday has no relevance to us at the moment,” Ross said.

“Our preparation this week has been all about this game on Friday. We spoke immediately after the game on Saturday [against Livingston] about the significance of this game and the prize at stake for us if we win it, and the potential prize if we keep winning games in the tournament.

“We set out from the first match we played in the tournament against Dundee United to try and win the competition.

“It’s a realistic aim for us and so far we have navigated ourselves well through the tournament, and hopefully we can continue that on Friday.”

Europa League: Rangers to face German side Bayer Leverkusen in round of 16 tie

Rangers have drawn Bundesliga side Bayer Leverkusen in the Europa League round of 16 draw, in their first trip to Germany since facing VfB Stuttgart in 2009. They were also the last Scottish team to win on German soil, having defeated the same side 2-1 in 1998.

Leverkusen sit fifth in their league and comfortably swept away Porto 5-2 on aggregate in the last round, having dropped down from the Champions League after finishing third in their group.

The Light Blues reached the last 16 of a European competition for the first time in nine years earlier in the week, beating Braga home and away in the previous round.

The Portuguese side took a two-goal lead in the first leg at Ibrox before Iannis Hagi inspired a 3-2 comeback with two strikes. Ryan Kent’s goal sealed a comfortable 1-0 win on the continent for Steven Gerrard’s side in Wednesday’s second leg.

The Rangers manager believes his side are capable of producing a similar result.

“I think the team are suited when they are in the zone and focussed,” he said. “If they have the right mentality, we can compete and show what we are about in any opposition against any teams.

“We have every right to be excited that we are still involved in the draw. From the first qualifying round, the boys deserve great credit for coming through.”

The first leg takes place at Ibrox on Thursday, March 12 with the return leg taking place seven days later – Rangers also host fierce rivals Celtic in between.

With a Scottish Cup quarter-final to come tomorrow, any further progression could see a fixture pile-up for the Gers.

Silver success for Scots at Cycling world championships

Credit: British Cycling

Silver is the colour of choice for Scottish athletes at the Track Cycling World Championships in Berlin this week.

Scotland’s cycling sweetheart Katie Archibald was joined by fellow Scot Neah Evans to clinch silver in the women’s team pursuit last night.

Jack Carlin and his team also claimed second in the sprint on Wednesday evening.

Sports journalist Susan Egelstaff told EN4 news: “I think it’s a pretty good return (for the Scottish athletes) so far.

“I think these world championships are not necessarily the same as a normal world championship because it’s an Olympic year…”

Egelstaff continued: “Obviously they want to become world champion and they want to win world medals, but I think more than anything they will be using this as a marker for the Olympics. The riders will be giving everything on the day but I think that come Tokyo, there will be a little bit more to give.”

It hasn’t been smooth sailing for Team GB though, with veteran Jason Kenny failing to qualify for the Kerin final and his wife Laura not medalling in the scratch race. “The expectations on them are so high that whenever they don’t win, it’s considered an upset.

“It just shows how strong world cycling is; it doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done, you can’t expect to just walk in and medal on the world stage,” Susan continued.

“I think there definitely could be a few more medals for the Scottish athletes and would expect more for the GB team.”

Day three of the championships have just kicked off over in Germany. Dundee’s Mark Stewart will compete in the men’s point race shortly, while Great Britain’s most successful ever female Olympian, Laura Kenny, will be hoping to add to her silver when she begins her omnium campaign this evening.

Hear our full interview with Susan Egelstaff, here:

Edinburgh Rugby: Substance over style will do for coach Cockerill against Cardiff

Richard Cockerill has seen his side remain top of the Pro14 Conference B, despite key players being on Scotland duty (Credit: Edinburgh Rugby Twitter)

A win for Edinburgh Rugby this evening will ensure they stay top of the Pro14’s Conference B table.

Welsh team Cardiff Blues travel to BT Murrayfield for Edinburgh’s third game in three weekends, and head coach Richard Cockerill has stated that he is not too concerned about flare in the encounter.

“I’m not fussy about our style,” Cockerill said. “Substance, physicality and mentality should be ten out of ten for us, and we should go out with confidence to make sure we get our performance right.”

Both sides come into the game on the back of a win, with each side scoring five tries last weekend – Edinburgh against Connacht and Cardiff Blues against Benetton.

“They’re a half-decent side – they’ve got good players. They’re missing a few players but crikey, so are we,” Cockerill explained. “We should be well motivated since we’re on a good run, so we need to make sure we get all the basic things right.

“It’s the same as the last two weeks; the weather will be a little bit better, but we need to be really functional and practical in how we play. We just need to go and win the game; do whatever it takes to win.”

Edinburgh fly-half Simon Hickey says that the team’s defence coach, Callum McCrae, has ensured his side know what they are up against: “They are an expansive team and have the ability to shift it, get it to the edges and cause trouble that way. They’ve got some good set-piece strikes and also some good individual players.”

Hickey’s teammate, back-row Nick Haining, expressed how impressive an achievement it would be were Edinburgh to take five points from the current run of three games during the international window of the Guinness Six Nations.

“I think it’s a testament to everyone in the squad and the depth that we have to have got those results so far. It wasn’t an easy game at Scarlets, but we ground out the win, then we had a good performance against Connacht at the weekend.”

“We’re confident going into Cardiff, and we think we can really take maximum points from that and not give them anything. They’ll be a good side, but we’re in good form at the moment and we’re confident.”

Scrum-half Charlie Shiel will be handed his first Murrayfield start tonight, partnering George Taylor and James Johnstone in a new-look centre for Edinburgh.

They also welcome back Grant Gilchrist and Jamie Bhatti after Scotland duty, as part of five changes to the team from last weekend’s bonus point win against Connacht.

Rangers progress but Celtic bow out: The Europa League podcast

Kris Gourlay is joined by Fergus Robb to discuss this week’s round of 32 Europa League action as Celtic and Rangers, along with other British clubs, Arsenal, Manchester United and Wolves, attempted to make the last 16. See how they got on below:

 

 

Podcast: Who will be representing Great Britain at Eurovision?

 

Songwriter James Newman was announced as the UK’s entry to Eurovision 2020 this week with his song titled ‘My Last Breath’. Adam Zawadzki and Suzanne Oliphant tell us their thoughts as well as all other things Eurovision.

Click the player below to tune in.

Gorillaz, Carseat Headrest & Lady Gaga: The EN4 News Music Podcast

 

On this week of the EN4News Music Podcast, presenters Sonny Neil, Elise Kennedy & Neil McGlashan discuss some of this weeks hot releases, upcoming local gigs & festivals to keep an eye out for.

Click the player below to tune in.

 

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